So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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