UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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