I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
