so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
