I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Randomize
