I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
