you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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