I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
