my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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