The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Randomize
