I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
