I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
