yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
