woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He better not be in your backpack
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
