i love accidental penises.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Found the puke drawer
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
