Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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