1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I need water and some morals
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
