pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
