I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
