I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
