people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
