dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
