my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
