We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
