can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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