So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
