Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
