So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
