my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
