dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
