I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
