the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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