4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
How does one acquire holy water?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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