I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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