so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
