so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Randomize
