im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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