so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
