Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
