im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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