So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
