so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
