Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
