She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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