her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
