I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
