I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i just had sex bonerless
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
