Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
