yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
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