we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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