Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
