Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
