Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
