I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
